Holiday Gift Guide: Have yourself a merry triple xmas

The holidays are approaching like a festive freight train, and with all the stress they bring I thought it might be a good idea to share a few ideas on how to relax – the sexy way.

If you’ve forgotten to get a gift for your special someone(s) or maybe just want to spoil them a little, then an erotic yuletide treat might be just what you’re looking for. Remember that special someone can also be yourself – you deserve some pleasure too!

So I’ve compiled here all the things I’d buy on a naughty shopping spree, meaning this is from my perspective as a cis woman so most of the products are aimed at that demographic. I’m in New Zealand so all products will be locally available. You’ll note all the links go to Wild Secrets – no they aren’t paying me, they just have the lowest prices and I’ve ordered from them before with no problems.

Here’s a quick peek at what’s on my xxx-mas list this year:

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Satisfyer Pro 2


The Satisfyer is a german remake of the Womanizer, the first of the new wave of “clit sucking” toys that use pressure waves to stimulate the clit without contact. The Satisfyer much cheaper, works the same, and doesn’t have that hideous tacky name.

I’ve read mixed reviews on the technology itself (apparently it’s a love it or hate it sensation) but it’s one of the few truly new innovations in the sex toy field and I’m always excited about new stuff. As always, I would buy mine from a trusted retailer rather than Amazon.

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We-Vibe Anniversary Kit – Sync Couple’s Vibrator & Tango Mini-Vibe

$235.99 NZD

So I’ve actually owned both of these toys individually before, but they were earlier generations and I eventually broke the tango. Both performed very admirably, though I strongly prefer the Tango.

The tango is considered the bullet in the toy industry, as it’s remarkably rumbly and powerful for its small size, is rechargeable, bodysafe, waterproof and relatively cheap. All other bullets are compared to it and I’ve come to think of it as an essential tool in any decent toy collection.

The We-Vibe Sync itself is one I’ve lusted after too – in this new incarnation it seems to have resolved the fit issues with two points of flexibility, so it’s much more likely to fit a wider range of bodies.

The Sync is designed to be worn during intercourse, but I’ve always found their remote control functions to be the most enjoyable aspect. The Sync has significantly upgraded its bluetooth and app control features since the We-vibe 4+, while retaining the ability for long distance control.

Ultimately, I really just want this version for the cool storage/charging cradle (the only design flaw in the Tango was the charger) and the snazzy colour – a beautiful sparkly purple called “galaxy”. Buy it here.

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Dame Eva II USB-Rechargeable Hands-Free Silicone Clitoral Vibrator

$215.99 NZD

This one takes a bit of figuring out – again this is an entirely new approach to toys. The Eva is designed to be wearable during intercourse much like a We-Vibe, but stays external rather than using an internal arm like the Sync does.

The Eva wedges its little arms behind your labia and against the head of the clit, leaving room for penetration underneath if so desired. This set up seems precarious to me but somehow works for many users, so I’m dying to see how comfortable it actually is.

Despite hearing one unfortunate story of the Eva somehow getting stuck internally, I’ve generally heard good things about the company and this particular design. I’ll reserve judgement until I’ve handled one in the flesh (so to speak) but I’m still very keen to try it out. Buy it here.

Stronic Fusion 8.5" Pulsating & Thrusting Luxury Vibrator

Fun Factory Stronic Fusion 8.5″ Pulsating & Thrusting Luxury Vibrator

$237.99 NZD

Fun Factory is one of my all time favourite toy companies due to their outstanding design, quality and innovation. They have been a leader in the field with their Stronic line, some of the first toys to “thrust” by themselves.

This toy combines the awesome duel stimulating shape from the Lady Bi with this thrusting tech to make a vibrator that has all the bells and whistles. The silicone from Fun Factory is no longer quite so lint-attracting but still nice and squishy for my taste.

I enjoy how logical their control buttons are and the ability to control each arm independently is so so so important in a rabbit style toy like this. I’m also a massive fan of the quick stop button – anyone living with kids or flatmates will understand.

She’s a bit of a pricey one but if you really want to go top shelf this baby is well worth the $$$. Buy it here!

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We-Vibe Pivot Vibrating Ring for Couples

$84.99 NZD

I’m a total We-Vibe fan girl so it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise that I’ve got another product from them on my list. I’ve handled a demo model of these and I was pleasantly surprised with their strength and shape.

Vibrating cockrings like this that are meant to stimulate the clit during intercourse often miss the mark – underpowered, the wrong shape or the wrong materials. In bodysafe silicone with only a magnetic charging point made of metal, this cockring promises a much better experience than others I’ve used in the past.

It’s also waterproof and contains the same app control options as other new We-Vibe toys, so it’s again a good option for long distance couples. I also think this one could work well as just a general vibrator with its loop the right size for your fingers to loop through. Buy it here!

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Sliquid Silk Hybrid Lubricant 255ml

$39.95 NZD

Since the NZ supply of Lube XXX ran out I’ve been dying to find a new hybrid lube. That is, a lubricant that is mostly water based but has just enough silicone to not damage silicone toys yet provide a long lasting smooth feel.

Hybrids are kind of the holy grail of lubes, at least for people who want the longevity of silicone for butt stuff purposes but also want to use a silicone buttplug. I’ve read quite a lot about Sliquid Silk but have yet to try it myself, thus it makes the list.

It seems to be out of stock in quite a few places, but if anyone has tried it themselves and has some feedback I’d love to hear it! Buy it here!

Love Games Satin Bow Teddy with Cuffs


Seven Til Midnight Love Games Satin Bow Teddy with Cuffs

$35.99 NZD

Would any Christmas wish list be complete without a hilarious novelty costume? I was tempted by all the versions of “sexy” Santa, but I’ve always wanted to surprise someone wearing nothing but a big bow (because I am the ultimate gift, duh) and this seems like it’ll work.

I love strappy lingerie too, plus this one has garter clips (stockings!!) and some sort of hand cuff situation. I’d probably skip the “cuffs” tbh and use something a bit more professional, but overall this is my pick for cute lingerie this year.

I’ve ordered this kind of this from this site before, and it’s pretty good quality for the price. Lastly, I will buy anything if I can see a Lady Gaga reference in the name. Buy it here!

Reversible Velvety & Satin Waterproof Throw Blanket

Liberator Reversible Velvety & Satin Waterproof Throw Blanket

$235.99 NZD

No, this is not a sign of my approaching 30s and increasing interest in homewares. This is a genuine practical concern that comes up surprising often both in my own life and with clients. I like to believe there’s no such thing as too much lube (except for that one time with the coconut oil) but hate cleaning my sheets more than necessary.

If you happen to produce your own lubricants or other bodily fluid in volume during play, then you probably also understand why a waterproof blanket is such a valuable commodity.

The Liberator throw has a velvety side and a satin side, so you can choose what sensory experience will enhance your session – I imagine it’s also very handy for summer vs winter. If you’re the adventurous outdoorsy type, this is also the perfect replacement for that manky picnic blanket. Best of all it’s machine washable so clean up is no big deal. Buy it here!

That wraps up my holiday gift guide for 2018, hope you enjoyed it and that it sparked some inspiration to make your season extra magical.

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